This is the post I have been dreading ... one reason it took so long to post it.
"Carmen?"
"Yes, momma?"
"It's time. You need to come say your goodbyes, and she needs to see Holden one last time."
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My dear sweet amazing Nanners passed away the last week of January. That's why we have been silent.
After two years of excruciating agony for her, my grandpa, my mom and my uncle ... she finally feels no more pain. No longer is she trapped in a body that started giving up on this life fifteen years ago.
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Mom asked me to work on a slideshow for the service. Likely the most bittersweet thing I have ever done. Here are some of the pictures. (FAMILY - check back later for a link to a protected album with all of the pictures used in the slideshow.)
second on left
on right, reminds me of Dorothy of OZ
with my mom and uncle
on left
with pawpaw
wedding
Nanners was .... is ... the most captivating woman I have ever seen. I always picked out dark-headed dolls when I was little because they were beautiful like my grandma. From her chiseled cheekbones to the taper of her wrist ... truly exquisite.
That same little girl that preferred the brunette to the blonde Barbie still has a romantic and naive-at-times heart still grasping to understand. Grasping for something .... anything to hold on to.
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Several days ago I zeroed in on a ladybug in our bathroom perched on the blinds on the window. I noticed that she was more orange than red. I decided to leave her in peace.
A few days later, as I soaked in the tub I found the lovely more-orange-than-red ladybug swimming next to me. I gently lifted her out and sat her on a washcloth. As we stared nose-to-nose, I noticed her antennae wiggling rapidly. I am pretty sure she was saying "thanks." And I said, "you are welcome, " and proceeded to tell her about my grandma and how much I miss her.
Again, I left her alone and went on my way. I haven't seen her since, but I'm sure she is around here somewhere.
I've been calling her, "Nanners."
-humbled granddaughter, Carmen
6 comments:
You have a wonderful way with words. Something I have known for quite sometime, but you really out-did yourself with this one! Love you very much honey!
Carmen...I'm so sorry for your loss. It's something I've experienced so many times, I won't have to experience it again with another grandparent. Hope you and your family continues to heal. I'll be thinking of you.
Carmen, I am so sorry for your loss. She seems like she was a vibrant, beautiful person. It is very hard to get through, but she is in a better place. She will always be with you.
Hugs, Shell
I am so glad you posted this so everyone can see what a truly beautiful woman she was, inside and out. I still miss her so very, very much and still cry at seeing the pictures. I didn't think it would still hurt this bad and this long but I guess when you love someone as we love her it never goes away.
Syble Lavelle King, we love you and miss you so much and can't wait to see you again.
I am so sorry for your loss Carmen and family.
Those are beautiful pictures.
She was a beautiful lady.
Carmen, my heart is with you as you make your journey through this troubled time. It is good that she is no longer in pain and you can begin your healing as well. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
Love,
Jaime
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