We have a baby BOY due in 2 months, that we have decided to call Cooper.
Holden, Jordan and I moved into an apartment about a month ago.
We are about 3 months behind where we would like to be on building the house.
NOTE - if you decide to build a house, have a VERY good idea of what you want and nail down your budget and square footage before you move to the architect phase. We did all of the above and STILL can't get a floorplan completed.
Hopefully, we will close on the land soon and break ground in the next couple of months .... just in time for the rainy season, and new baby ... YEA!
I think the best news right now is that we are sleeping in our comfy cozy king size bed again. It is my most favorite place in the whole world. It is so squishy and big and the mattress has a perfect indention of "me" curled up in the fetal position ... my little nest.
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I could lie for the sake of smiling and exuding positivity, but I'm not going to.... Yes, there are much worse things that a person could be going through, but right now ... for us ... this IS a lot.
We are incredibly tired and frustrated and don't feel that we are moving forward at this point. I know it is coming ... I remind myself constantly that a year from now, it will all be ok. But some days are really hard. New job, new pregnancy, house sold, no house, waiting .... waiting ... waiting ... guilt ... guilt ... guilt.
I feel guilty that we took Holden's room, his home, his whole world away from him. I feel even more guilty that Cooper will come home to a Pack and Play for a nursery. I feel guilty that I don't practice the ABCs enough with Holden and that I'm too tired at the end of the day, now 31 weeks pregnant to play blocks in the floor with him. I feel guilty that we still have personal belongings stashed away at my parents because our storage building is crammed full. I feel guilty that I'm receiving donated time at work so that I can take off for recovery and get to know Cooper when he arrives. I feel guilty that Jordan stresses about the new house. I feel guilty that I don't see my mom, dad, sister and her family more.
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I'm going to go watch something funny, if I can find anything and curl up in my comfy cozy bed for the night. I miss DirecTV.
-Carmen
2 comments:
Hugs! I'm sorry you are having a rough time! I went through a lot of guilt for different reasons when pregnant with Amelia and now I look at her and Ainsley together and I cannot imagine life any differently! This is what God intended for me! All that guilt quickly went away. I feel guilty for not practicing ABCs and such with Ainsley sometimes too and I really feel guilty she has to be at daycare where some kid tried to take a chunk out of her arm on Friday, but its all ok at the end of the day (minus that nasty set of teeth marks, but they will disappear soon enough...I hope).
I am so jealous you are able to take donated time. I tried that with my maternity leave with Amelia, but they won't allow you to request donated time so I had to take time off without pay! You can't exactly built up a good maternity leave worth of time off after just having a baby and taking all your time for maternity leave #1!
Congrats on the boy! I love that I have two girls since they are so close in age and I think you will find the same with two boys.
Hang in there! I know how stressful building a house and starting a new job can be!!! Plus, I was living with my in-laws! (Thankfully my in-laws are wonderful people, but still, I needed my space!) Building a house is VERY stressful!!!! Seriously, hang in there... It will all work out and it will be worth it in the end. You'll look back and you'll think...it really wasn't THAT bad.
I'm so excited that you're having another baby boy!!!! Holden will have fun playing with him and teaching him how to do things.
Miss you!!!!
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