I have hesitated posting anything about Holden's reaction to Cooper's general presence ... holding out for resolution, I guess.It's not horrible ... Holden could be acting out much much worse than he is, but it's not good either.
When we are holding Cooper, Holden ignores us, pouts and occasionally will throw a toy. He's by no means overboard, but clearly frustrated.
Encouraging Holden to sit near Cooper is met with a resounding, "NO, NO, NOOOO!"
Holden plays in his room by himself a lot more than he had been, and mumbles randomly with the word "baby" thrown in with sour undertones.
My mom asked Holden if he loves his little brother. "No," he replied. She told Holden that Cooper is sweet and asked Holden again if he loves his little brother, and again Holden said, "no." Holden followed the denial with, "Sawyer" (his cousin) so mom asked Holden, "do you love Sawyer?" "Yes," he said.
With a little sister of my own, I've been there. I didn't acknowledge mom for an entire month after my sister was born.
Per my friend MC's excellent advice (mother of 2) we have been making a point of spending as much uninterrupted time with Holden as possible. This definitely helps a lot.
It's not all bad. Occasionally Holden will let his guard down. Sometimes at night when he is handing out *goodnights and kisses* Holden will tap Cooper on the knee and run off.
So there is hope.
I have to admit, it was a weird feeling to see Holden for the first time with Cooper present. A very small part of me felt I had committed some form of betrayal. But the rest me, was in awe how my heart was immediately expanded ... not divided.
I am impressed how Jordan and I are adapting to being pulled in multiple directions at a time while juggling the needs of two completely different individuals, and how issues I once couldn't wrap my brain around like how to take two children into a grocery store aren't such a big deal. We are figuring it all out.
I'm sure Holden will fall in love with his little brother soon. It's just a matter of time.
-Carmen
2 comments:
It will get continue to get better! A tap on the knee is certainly a start! They are both precious. We need to try to get together sometime...I still haven't met Holden, much less Cooper.
Hang in there. I'm sure when Cooper gets older they will be the best of friends.
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