Heart, Breaking .... Healing

This is the post I have been dreading ... one reason it took so long to post it.

"Carmen?"

"Yes, momma?"

"It's time.  You need to come say your goodbyes, and she needs to see Holden one last time."

____________________

My dear sweet amazing Nanners passed away the last week of January.  That's why we have been silent.  

After two years of excruciating agony for her, my grandpa, my mom and my uncle ... she finally feels no more pain.  No longer is she trapped in a body that started giving up on this life fifteen years ago. 

 ____________________

Mom asked me to work on a slideshow for the service.  Likely the most bittersweet thing I have ever done.  Here are some of the pictures.  (FAMILY - check back later for a link to a protected album with all of the pictures used in the slideshow.)

second on left

on right, reminds me of Dorothy of OZ

with my mom and uncle

on left

with pawpaw

wedding

Nanners was .... is ... the most captivating woman I have ever seen.  I always picked out dark-headed dolls when I was little because they were beautiful like my grandma.  From her chiseled cheekbones to the taper of her wrist ... truly exquisite.

That same little girl that preferred the brunette to the blonde Barbie still has a romantic and naive-at-times heart still grasping to understand.  Grasping for something .... anything to hold on to.

____________________

Several days ago I zeroed in on a ladybug in our bathroom perched on the blinds on the window.  I noticed that she was more orange than red.  I decided to leave her in peace.  

A few days later, as I soaked in the tub I found the lovely more-orange-than-red ladybug swimming next to me.  I gently lifted her out and sat her on a washcloth.  As we stared nose-to-nose, I noticed her antennae wiggling rapidly.  I am pretty sure she was saying "thanks."  And I said, "you are welcome, " and proceeded to tell her about my grandma and how much I miss her.  

Again, I left her alone and went on my way.  I haven't seen her since, but I'm sure she is around here somewhere.

I've been calling her, "Nanners."

-humbled granddaughter, Carmen  

We're BACK!!!

Welcome back!
 
I think our internet issues are resolved for now.  Hopefully, the change in ownership will remedy our internet woes … don’t hold your breath. 
 
We have a lot of catching up to do!
 
Let’s start back at Thanksgiving and work our way up….. this is the first post of many.
 
(Insert wavy image of me typing at my computer, indicating flashback…..)

Click on image to link to pictures of Sawyer and Holden back in November.

-Carmen

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

We are temporarily without internet service. . . our provider is changing ownership.

Deleted Comments ... My Bad

Team E, Auntie Sara, Mel, and Shel ... Thank you for the birthday comments to Holden!  Unfortunately, I accidentally deleted them.  I'm sorry.  I was click happy and messed up.  I promise not to do it again.

-Carmen

Happy 12 months!!!

er ... uh ... 1 year! Bloody ridiculous!

My Dearest Holden,

You have completely changed my world. My heart is so full of love it sometimes aches.

You are the first one I think of when I wake and you are the peaceful lullaby that soothes my tired head to sleep.

I love cuddling up with you on the sofa ... playing "cars" in the floor ... bathtime ... laughing with you ... talking to you ... reading ... breakfast ... lunch ... dinner .... everything.

You have made me a better person, a better friend, a better wife, a better daughter, and a better sister.

Thank you for making me a mommy.

I love you sweet baby.

Love, Mommy

Sleepy Santa

Happy New Year!

I have a lot of pictures of Christmas to upload.  I will link you to them when I'm done loading them.  

Have I mentioned lately our internet connection bites?!?!

Here is our sleepy little santa worn out from all the parties....

-Carmen

Santa Hat

Holden has a very special outfit to wear to our holiday gatherings this year. I tried to get a good picture of him in the santa hat, alas he prefers to eat it. I still think it is cute.

The parties begin tomorrow.  It is going to be a busy week.  In the past several years I've been able to take my vacation the week before and the week of Christmas ... new job ... no time off ... so I feel quite frazzled trying to make sure I've taken care of all the mandatory holiday responsibilities.  

The week will end with the beautiful wedding of my beautiful cousin H.  I bought a new dress and shoes, today for the occasion.  I was PLEASANTLY surprised by the dress size!   

Now I am off to work on laundry.  Just one more load before bed.

-Carmen

New Toy

I am posting from my bday present! Thank you, hubby for the iPod Touch! I love it!

-Carmen

Ladies' Night

I got together with my favorite girls for our second annual ornament exchange last night. This year's theme was "handmade." These ladies create to impress!

Check 'em out.......

Auntie H painted this "C" to compliment our 2005 wedding invitation (has it been that long?)

Aunite A sculpted this little guy. Look familiar?

Auntie L found vintage 12 Days of Christmas cookie cutters, circa 1970 something and made us each a complete set!

These girls melt my heart. I miss spending time with them, and I am so thankful for every moment we have together.

Oh, and I knit these little guys.... I remembered to take pictures in the car with my phone.

The roads were starting to get nasty on the way home. It was a slow trek. About 3 minutes after walking through the door, the power went out at our house, and didn't kick back on until 2 am. No worries, though. Jordan LUCKILY bought firewood yesterday so we could cozy up and talk about our day.

-Carmen

New Friend

I have a new crafty friend.  She made this o-so-precious ornament for dear Holden.  I absolutely love it.  

Check out her website.  The Bottlecap Boutique....

-Carmen

Happy 11 Months!

So, I'm a week late. Oh well. The cloudy skies this week and early sunset have proved to be difficult for Holden's 11 month picture. The clouds parted today so I jumped on it.

My favorite thing about life with Holden this month is that you can really see his little personality shining through. Most everything puts a smile on his face, but he is starting to have favorite toys, favorite shows, and favorite foods ... that's a lie ... he likes all foods.

-Carmen

Tree Lighting Ceremony

I have fallen in love with the city where I now work. Everyone I meet genuinely CARES ... unjaded and sincere. It's a new kind of place for me, and I am really digging it.

We took Mr. Holden to his first Christmas parade and tree lighting ceremony in this township I am so fond of. Jordan met us for dinner at one of our fave cafes on the main street then we took our spot on the sidewalk for the parade.

It wasn't over the top, nothing too fancy, just a bunch of citizens that are proud of their borough.

The high school band was my favorite. Holden started slapping his hands on his lap. I think he liked them, too.

The moon was crazy full, tonight.  Click here to find out why.

We even ran into Mr. and Mrs. Claus.

Holden did really well and loved the excitement as usual. He seemed especially fond of the teenage girl standing next to us. Holden grabbed her rear at least a half a dozen times. He pouted and fake cried when I used the sternest of the stern voices and forbid him to do it, again.

-Carmen

A Touch of the Tireds

I am worn out. I vow to have all preliminary Christmas tasks completed by December 1 next year (insert eye rolls and "yeah rights," here.) 

If only I still had a security blanket or something to cling to that would make it all better.

Or in the words of my sweet nephew, "Dinusaws, whe auh ew?"  That is Sawyerspeak for "dinosaurs, where are you?"  When he can't find an object he desperately needs he summons said object by asking it where it is.

It could be anything, really.  "Guh-guh, whe auh ew?" that is his sippy cup.  "Nemo, whe auh ew?"  Nemo, as in the lovable fish.  It could be his shoes, or his pillow, or his book.  You have to imagine hearing his voice from another room when you know no one else is in there, asking Mickey Mouse, "what's your 20?"

Sawyer is so beautiful (yes I called the boy beautiful.)  I could look at him all day.  He looks EXACTLY like my little sister when she was his age.  I can remember thinking, "she is so cute, I want to squeeze her till her eyes pop out."  Now that is love.

Click to enlarge the picture.  His skin is so dreamy.  

  

"CALGON, whe auh ew? Take me away!"

-Carmen

The Trouble with the Tannenbaum

Two weeks, five trips to the Christmas section of the local retailer, 6,600 NEW clear lights, multiple power outages and surge protectors, and one fire drill later ......

This is year four of life with our nine and a half foot Christmas tree. Every year I have good intentions of wrapping the branches with lights so that I never have to put lights on the tree, again.

Alas, every year I crumple in a sobbing heap after tedious attempts that leave me covered in nylon tree branch scratches and two-thirds of a tree to go because I STILL don't have enough lights.

Unwrap ... unwrap ... screw it.

I'll do it next year.

I have publicly declared my husband's awesomeness on many occasions and I am about to do it, again.

If not for Jordan, there would be NO tree ... or any decoration of any kind this year.

I'm just not feeling it. I don't know what my problem is. All year long I look forward to this time of year. Normally I feel like the entire year is one big build up to Christmas.

I should be ecstatic ... this is my son's first Christmas!

Jordan, the one usually "anti-holiday," came to my rescue as I started showing signs of throwing in the towel ... or the TREE ... literally, I threatened on multiple occasions to knock the thing down and drag it outside to let the neighbor kids have their way with it.

He helped me from the first strand of wrapping lights to the very last ornament. I felt like a fourth grader refusing to do her homework as Jordan VERY patiently kept me going. He even blasted my favorite Andy Williams Christmas tunes to try and provoke a more festive mood.

You should see how seriously I take this Christmas decorating thing. I have neatly labeled tubs (lots of them) full of neatly documented and labeled ornaments, charts, and graphs for the precise method and manner for making the process go smoothly. It is sick, really.

This is after all the tree that my incredible husband proposed marriage in front of.



This is our first tree ... in our first home ... to now be shared with our first-born.

I really do love this tree. I just love it a lot more when it is decorated.

And now it feels more like Christmas.....

This is my favorite new ornament

This is Jordan's. He kept calling him Monkey Socks and blushed when I told him he is actually a Sock Monkey. I think Jordan's version of the moniker has "stuck."

-Carmen

Don't Hold Your Breath

I promise we are still around ... just having issues with our internet connection, our Christmas tree, time management, staying awake, scroogey moods (me not Jordan ... insert gasps,) and other little things that add up.

sigh

-C

Holden Meets Santa

Holden met Santa Claus!

Last Christmas he was still slow roasting in my belly. I remember thinking how great it would be NEXT year when Holden would participate in the holidays. I tried to picture him on Santa's knee, likely screaming his head off.

He is a lot bigger, happier, and more Jordan-like than I could have ever imagined!

Santa was as handsome, gentle and sweet as always. He even let me snap a few pictures of my own.

Holden didn't have a long list to share this year with the Jolly One, but I think Santa already knows he'll be well taken care of.

-Carmen

Two Peas

Imagine my anxious sickening frustration when I tried desperately to post this picture of Holden and Sawyer on Sunday and our internet service once again proved highly unreliable!

The fam got together at Aunt N's and Uncle J's house on Sunday. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my family. I have the bestest family in the whole big wide world. We have so much fun together.

I have a lot more pictures and sweet sappy lovey dovey to spread, but I fear the cyber gods are not smiling upon me, even still. So I wanted to at least get a taste of the holidays posted.

Carmen

Stylin and proFilin

The room we often refer to as our office has until recent weeks been ... well let's be honest ... a dumping ground for all things that do not have a proper home.

Thanks to a major IKEA shopping trip a few weeks ago, we finally said goodbye to the old almond color beat up two drawer filing cabinet that had sticking drawers and awful sound effects ... and hello to some actual organization.

Should I ever wrangle the chaos now officially dubbed "office" I will post pictures. It is still in the works.

I spent a good portion of the day filing stuff. This is without a doubt one of my least favorite things to do in the world. I think all bill paying, insurance paperwork, etc. should be on my computer and paperless. And that isn't the tree hugger ME talking. That is the lazy, this is NOT what I want to do on the weekend ME. Filing this stuff seems so incredibly pointless except for that one time a year when I have to find a pay stub from April

Amidst the collating and alphabetizing, I attempted to entertain little man by providing him a basket full of teething rings and small rattles. He played right into my hands for all of 5 minutes! Holden dumped the basket ... just as I suspected he would. Then he shook and smacked together every toy in there before placing them back in the basket and then dumping them out, again ... which is of course how they remained.

Holden appears to be a bigger help in these pictures that he actually was.

In an abnormal fit of "rage," he grabbed hold of both my collar bones like handlebars with his pointy finger death grip, sunk his 6 tiny teeth into my left shoulder, released the hold and slapped my face! Twice! I sat there stunned. I have no idea what that was about. He was back to his normal sweet self soon after that.

"Well, that was different," I told him.

-Carmen

Thanksgiving

We decided for Holden's first Thanksgiving to spend it at home ... just the 3 of us.  Turkey, dressing, potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, wassail, fudge, Chex Mix, and pumpkin pie all donned our table. 

I mushed up all of the dinner items so Holden could participate.  He loved all of it and ate most of what was on his plate.  In true Stogsdill fashion, all the binge eating was followed with long and loud belches.  So gross ... so cute.

This is Holden signing "MORE" ... or at least his version of it.

Some of Jordan's out-of-town relatives were at Aunt T's and wanted see Holden so we stopped by so they could love on him.

A little slow to react from stuffing myself at lunch, I only took a few pictures of Holden with Nanaw ... Jordan's grandma.

We hope everyone had a very special day with their loved ones.

-Carmen

Waiting for that Turkey Coma

Happy Thanksgiving!

Go thank somebody.

-The Stogsdills

New Kicks

With the onset of winter, we thought it prudent to begin covering junior's chubby feet. 

I have been trying to put socks on him lately only to remember why I never put socks on him ... he takes them off and sucks on them.  

We don't put shoes on him because his Jet-Puffed Marshmallow feet don't allow it.

The dropping temperatures have caused more than one grandma-type person to scold us out in public when they see Holden's bare feet.  

I feel bad, I really do, but I can't seem to find a baby garter belt to secure his socks!

On Mrs. B's suggestion, I went to Stride Rite today and with the helpful staff person's assistance (her last name was HOLDEN!)  found the PERFECT pair of shoes for Holden's puffy feet.

They are so cute and they actually fit him.  He seems very interested in his new shoes, but hasn't tried removing them.

____________________

In other Holden news.... He thoughtfully stacks the toys in the corner of his cage (pack 'n play) and stands on top of them.  I think he is planning LIBERATION!

Holden has been more and more helpful while dressing.  He likes to unfasten his diaper, and he is a pro at pulling his shirt over his head and pushing his arms through the sleeves with no assistance.

Last week I sat him down in the pack 'n play to ready his diaper bag.  When I returned to fetch him, Holden had removed his socks, his pants, and his shirt.  He was standing on the crumpled clothes and stomping on them. "Libération!" he yelled in a French accent.

-Carmen

Email from Santa

We were recently contacted by Mr. and Mrs. Claus who have asked Jordan and I to help them with a new project. They are trying to be a little more eco-friendly and going "cyber!"

They would like very much to send out personalized emails to the kiddos. So we created this form to help the BIG guy with the enormous task.

If you would like your child to receive an email from Santa, fill out the form below and click SUBMIT. The form should clear on its own when your information is successfully submitted.

This is something "just for fun" we recently started doing for the kids in our family. Your information will be discarded once your email is sent.

Your child's email will be addressed from Santa's email address, eighttinyreindeer@gmail.com.

Emails will be sent December 1 - 23rd-ish.

To expedite the process, please fill out the form completely. Everything in the email will appear as you have spelled it here.

If you are looking for this form at a later time, check the sidebar, I have included a link to this form below the About Us section.

Enjoy!

-Carmen

First Boogie

The pictures are unrelated to this post, I just thought they were cute.

Holden was strutting his stuff for the first time tonight.

Have you ever seen that show Yo Gabba Gabba!?  Well it is atrocious, but Holden LOVES it!  

It is the only show other than Baby Einstein he will sit all the way through.

Tonight there was a lot of dancing, and for the first time Holden very obviously was dancing along.  He hoisted himself up on a box and bounced, swayed, and giggled while looking back and forth between the brightly colored characters and mommy.

It cracked me up!  He has never danced before!

Holden was also waving HI to that pink-tear-drop-shaped female thing on the show.

So cute!

-Carmen

 

Are you SICK of this KID yet?

I wish I could make myself talk about something other than my son.  We do actually have OTHER things going on in our lives, but who cares?

Holden started signing MILK without prompt over the weekend!

He was hungry, it was time to eat, and he told me ... er uh ... showed me.  We praised him profusely now he is using the sign every few meals.

He has also started waving when people say "bye" even if they aren't waving.

Holden showed the very first signs of shyness yesterday.  He usually will go to anyone that outstretches her arms.  

Jordan took him to physical therapy yesterday and then brought him by work to say HI.  During the standard meet-and-greet with co-workers and center participants, he buried his head in my chest!  He has never done that before.

Later I mentioned to Jordan that he must have been around too many people at once, but Jordan said he did the same thing at therapy with the ONE therapist.  Go figure.

Holden has been a lot more clingy over the past few weeks.  He plays in the floor for a few minutes and then wants to sit in our laps and cuddle.  I certainly don't mind.

-Carmen

Happy 10 Months!

My favorite thing about life with Holden this month is that he has started mimicking us.

I was sitting on the couch looking at a magazine with Holden next to me.  He saw a magazine on the other end of the sofa, crawled over to it, sat up with magazine in hand like he was scanning its pages.  He looked over at me to see if he was doing it right.

Holden has also become very fascinated by water.  He likes to dive face first into his bath from a seated position.  Apparently, he is comfortable holding his breath!  Holden also sits at the faucet while I fill the tub and likes to stick his hands and HEAD under it.  It makes me kind of nervous, but like I said he is holding his breath.

-Carmen

Cure for a Bad Day

If you have spent much time with Holden you know he is one happy kid.  I haven't been able to really capture his hypnotizing laugh on film.

Jordan was successful, today.

So turn on your ears.

WARNING!

May cause audible giggling.

-Carmen

Turtle Turvy

As mentioned previously, Holden chills in his boppy chair, strapped in of course while I get ready in the morning.  Picture a little blue papasan for babies.  

Holden has developed a new game of picking up toys and tossing them.  Pick up the rattle .... throw the rattle ... pick up the teddy bear .... throw the teddy bear.

This morning while I was covered in shampoo, I peered through the foggy glass of the shower wall to see Holden leaning forward reaching for a toy he hurled .... just out of reach.  

Leaning ....

Leaning ...

Leaning some more ...

OH!  Too far!

He toppled over onto the floor still strapped in the boppy chair.  

As I scrambled to rinse the dripping shampoo from my face and hands, I saw his left leg pop out from under the chair, then the right .... a hand, another hand .... and then his head.

Still determined to get that toy, now pushed to the other side of the bathroom in the midst of the commotion, Holden popped up and scurried on all fours with boppy still attached.

He looked just like a turtle scooching across the tile!

Even as I tried to extract him from the grips of the chair, he couldn't stop reaching for that toy!

So what does one do with their suddenly mobile and very curious child when they are too big to be strapped down to a boppy chair?  Mommy has to take a shower sometime and baby boy gets up at 5:30 a.m. ready to go.

-Carmen

  

When in Gnome

Holden seemed to really enjoy his first Halloween.  We went to four houses trick or treating and baby was worn out.

Mommy and daddy were worn out, too.

To see the pictures, please click on the trio of pictures below and you will be redirected to the album.

We hope everyone had a great time begging for goodies last night!

-Carmen