That’s Just Wrong

Ok not to spoil it for anyone, but in spite of my genuine efforts, my mothering skills are not always seamless (insert gasps of disbelief here.)

DISCLAIMER: The following is intended to be read with a sense of humor (got that, all you grandmas out there?)

FAUX PAS #1
Holden has a dense foam incline sleep positioner that elevates his head above his chest. During the first month of life, he slept on the positioner placed in his Moses basket so he had four snug walls around him.

We stopped using both the positioner and the basket when his daddy found him with his feet propped up on the edge. He is now too long to fit in the Moses basket.

After he ate the night before last, Holden did not expel his usual triumphant belch. To help prevent spit up, I placed his swaddled bod on the inclined sleeper without the basket.

Somehow he turned himself sideways on the positioner and just like a ball on a ramp, he rolled down the incline and came to rest against the bumper pad! When I found him, my stomach knotted up and I apologized profusely as I removed him from the predicament. He just cooed, unaware of mommy’s horror.

FAUX PAS #2
During a recent diaper change, I found a strand of my hair in Holden’s poo. He had grabbed a handful the day before. Apparently I failed to extract all of it from his death grip.

FAUX PAS #3
Admit it … while handing out congratulations we all silently “analyze” the cuteness of newborns. They are too chubby, too skinny, too hairy, too bald, too stinky. Well, I always make note of baby acne. I have known all along that I was setting the stage for my own offspring to emerge with clogged pores, but EEEWWW! That stuff is weird.

Right on schedule, karma evened the score. Holden had a decent case of “T-zone” blemishes upon arrival. I chuckled to myself and thanked karma for keeping me in check.

There was this one little monkey right between his eyes that bugged me for a week. So I looked over my left shoulder … then my right to make sure no one was looking and scratched that thing off with my fingernail. Ahhhh, victory! Take that, cosmic harmony!

Then it started bleeding … and bleeding. First Aid 101 … I applied pressure. I felt so bad. Holden was oblivious to what was going on and I was on the verge of tears. The bleeding eventually stopped. No one would ever know.

Later that night my husband asked, “Did you pick that zit?”