The 2nd Worst Day of My Life

Holden spent the day with Mrs. B. It was our dry run in preparation for my return to work.

Those unsympathetic to new mom woes should cease reading immediately. It’s about to get all kinds of melodramatic up in here….


I was one of them. I never understood what the big deal was. Take baby from point A and place him in point B. Walk out the door.

A thousand paper cuts on my eyeballs followed by a stern dousing of salt and lemon juice would have been less painful than this process actually was.


This morning on the way to Mrs. B's house, I looked in the baby rear view mirror to check on my angel. He was looking outside, then at me in the mirror, and then outside again, wide-mouthed, laughing, and gurgling as if to say, “what adventures are we going to have, today, mom?”

I lost it … all of it. I started bawling. “Well son, I am dropping you off in unfamiliar surroundings so I can spend some quality time with myself.”

I said regrettable things to my husband when he called shortly after… and then again when he called back … and again later ... and perhaps a few more times after that.

A few miles from Mrs. B’s house, I looked at myself in the mirror, and said, “self, you better get it together FAST! For the love of Elvis, fake it!” And I did.

Mrs. B is so warm and I started to feel better as soon as we walked in … and then I left …. an hour later (yes, it took me an hour to leave.)

I didn’t know what to do with myself. My mind was racing. My eyes were pouring. I couldn’t utter a word. He is only 2 and a half months old! How could I leave him? I have been at Holden’s devoted beckoned call and suddenly I found myself alone … completely alone. I didn’t like it.

I contemplated spending the day sitting at the Sonic by Mrs. B’s house, but decided that seemed a little too cuckoo.

I thought maybe I could go home …. but I knew I would just sit in Holden’s room and cry.

So, I drove to Dillards with the intention of buying myself something I want, but don’t need.

I never went in. I sat in my car in the parking lot, and between supportive text messages and phone calls from friends and my mom I cried for almost two hours.

I have great friends. They really are the bestest! They dropped what they were doing to meet me for lunch and supply me with some much needed hugs and assurance.

When I returned to Mrs. B’s to retrieve my offspring, I walked in and said, “Hi, Punkin’.” He shrugged his tiny shoulders up to his ears, smiled a huge gummy smile, and turned to look at me. I sure needed that….. I melted.

I could go on and on about the traumas of the day (obviously,) but I am spent and want to hold my boy.


Every morning when Holden and I get up, I think about how today is his first Thursday … today is the first day he will see his cousin, Sawyer …. today is the first time he will stay with Nana while I go on a date with my husband …. today is his first February 10th … today was the first day he spent the whole day away from me.

Today … was the second worst day of my life. The worst will be the day I return to work…

-Carmen