Big Brother Blues

I have hesitated posting anything about Holden's reaction to Cooper's general presence ... holding out for resolution, I guess.

It's not horrible ... Holden could be acting out much much worse than he is, but it's not good either.

When we are holding Cooper, Holden ignores us, pouts and occasionally will throw a toy. He's by no means overboard, but clearly frustrated.

Encouraging Holden to sit near Cooper is met with a resounding, "NO, NO, NOOOO!"

Holden plays in his room by himself a lot more than he had been, and mumbles randomly with the word "baby" thrown in with sour undertones.

My mom asked Holden if he loves his little brother. "No," he replied. She told Holden that Cooper is sweet and asked Holden again if he loves his little brother, and again Holden said, "no." Holden followed the denial with, "Sawyer" (his cousin) so mom asked Holden, "do you love Sawyer?" "Yes," he said.

With a little sister of my own, I've been there. I didn't acknowledge mom for an entire month after my sister was born.

Per my friend MC's excellent advice (mother of 2) we have been making a point of spending as much uninterrupted time with Holden as possible. This definitely helps a lot.

It's not all bad. Occasionally Holden will let his guard down. Sometimes at night when he is handing out *goodnights and kisses* Holden will tap Cooper on the knee and run off.

So there is hope.

I have to admit, it was a weird feeling to see Holden for the first time with Cooper present. A very small part of me felt I had committed some form of betrayal. But the rest me, was in awe how my heart was immediately expanded ... not divided.

I am impressed how Jordan and I are adapting to being pulled in multiple directions at a time while juggling the needs of two completely different individuals, and how issues I once couldn't wrap my brain around like how to take two children into a grocery store aren't such a big deal. We are figuring it all out.

I'm sure Holden will fall in love with his little brother soon. It's just a matter of time.

-Carmen

Thanksgiving 09 ~ 2

I am so full of love....

and turkey...

but mostly love ...

and pumpkin pie.

-Carmen

Happy Thanksgiving!

We are celebrating three family Thanksgivings this year. The first was on Monday with Jordan's family.

Aunt T was so sweet to pull out some toys for Holden to play with. I was so happy to see Holden very social and silly.

I don't know if you can tell from the picture, but Holden is sporting a kicky new 'do. It is super short and spiky. He looks so old. He could pass for a 2 1/2 year old!

Holden has this little act of pretending to be "stuck" by which he places himself in a predicament that he couldn't possibly be stuck in, scrunches up his face, grunts and groans, proclaiming, "s-TUCK! s-TUCK!" He obliged the crowed with a demonstration, when he pretended he was unable to step up from the sunken den into the kitchen ... the same threshold he had been catapulting over all night while running laps through the house.

Cooper made his snuggle rounds and slept in between....

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Carmen

Happy 22 Months!

Well I've given up on Holden's monthly posed pictures. It has become torture for both of us. The last thing he wants to do is sit still. I'll still add to the Watch me Grow slides, but it won't be every month.

I still have Cooper to pose for photos. He doesn't move much.

My favorite thing about life with Holden this month is how varied his facial expressions have become. He has a face for EVERYTHING from his wrinkled up snorting face to express displeasure that mommy is holding Cooper to exaggerated wide-eyed amazement over a toy in the bottom of his toy box he hasn't seen before....



Holden is fascinated with his bobble head Einstein.

-Carmen

The Birth Story

Friday, October 30 ... I had contractions on and off all day.

I took a long lunch that day with the intention of napping for an hour or so ... I was scheduled to work at the TOT event and needed to rest. However, for the first time during the pregnancy I felt an overpowering urge to "nest."

I told Jordan, "this baby is coming ... soon ... we aren't ready!" So we spent a couple of hours trying to organize the "overflow room" in our temporary apartment digs.

My very understanding boss could tell when I returned to work later that afternoon that I wasn't feeling so great and let me off the hook for the night. We still planned to take Holden to the event and I planned to walk until Cooper was ready to be born. I felt miserable.

By 6pm the contractions were more intense, but not too regular so we proceeded to the park for some chicken pictures of Holden and then met up with Jordan's folks before TOT.

Feeling pretty confident that Cooper was on his way, I wanted a big dinner in case I went into labor and couldn't eat again for many many hours (I was starving by the time I had Holden!). Pot roast, carrots, potatoes and rolls. So yummy!

Then we walked and walked and walked at the downtown event.

Now feeling even more confident that Cooper would be here soon, I asked Jordan's parents to keep their phones nearby until his arrival.

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10:00 pm, really MEAN contractions start.

10:30 pm, water breaks ... I think ... or did it? Not sure. Try to get a little more sleep.

11:30 pm, yep, water broke ... I think ... Wake up Jordan. Decide to pack bags and see how I feel. Call all the grandparents. Mimi had just settled in bed after leaving my sister (who had just had her baby.) Told her not to unpack. Call Mrs. B who had offered to take Holden if we go into labor "even in the middle of the night," BLESS you, Mrs. B!

October 31, Happy Halloween!

12:00 am-ish, arrive at hospital. Front entrance is not accessible during the night. Fantastic. Must go around to the Emergency Room entrance. Super fantastic. Decide to walk around instead of drive. Super duper fantastic!

1:00 am, admitted to room in labor and delivery. Nurse confirms that Cooper is on his way! Call all the grandparents. Mimi, sorry you didn't get any sleep.

1:30 am, all the boring (yeah right) and uneventful (puh-shaw!) labor stuff really starts.

Fast forward...............

9:20 am, my sweet little angel is in my arms while the doctor, nurses and Jordan swirl around me. I hear nothing but Cooper's acknowledging coos and soak up the shape of his nose, his little pointy feet and the curve of his arm. He is beautiful and tiny and so scrunchy.

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I love you precious, Cooper. Welcome to the family. You are loved so very much, and have changed our lives in ways I can't even begin to understand yet.

-Mommy

Holden's Halloween 09

Friday, October 30 we took Holden to a Trick or Treat event downtown.

I had planned to dress him as Bam Bam Rubble, but the weather cooled earlier this year so we opted for something a bit warmer. He will someday hate me for this costume, but how could I resist?

We practiced saying "trick or treat" all week. Holden reluctantly mimicked my words during rehearsal.

At the event however, when his words were rewarded with actual TREATS, he lit up like a firecracker and went up to anyone and everyone he could, delightfully squealing "TWICK uh TWEEEE!!!!"

-Carmen

With Sugar on Top

We had a much anticipated newborn photo session with our fave photographer, today. Check out the blog post from Jen...... click on link below...

Holden + Cooper

-Carmen

Chicken Little

I was going through Holden's Halloween pictures and couldn't wait to post this one. Daddy was pushing him in the swing. This was a LUCKY shot. More to follow....

-Carmen

Cooper

Here is another peek at Cooper. The first picture I posted was from my phone. We do have other pictures, I just haven't had time to get anything posted yet.

More photos and updates to come.... including Holden's reaction to his brother.  

We are on our way to Coop's first appointment with his pediatrician.



-Carmen

Meet Cooper

Welcome, Cooper.  We are so glad you are here.  

Cooper has Left the Belly!

Cooper is here! He weighs 6 pounds 14 ounces and arrived at 9 am.

He is a couple of weeks early, but healthy and alert. He looks a lot like Holden. Thick black hair and Holden's cheeks.

We will post a picture soon.

-Carmen

Cooper is on his way

Cooper is on his way. Carmen went into labor about 10:30, after we scrambled to throw things together for the hospital and drop off H it was about 1 am before we got to the hospital and settled into our room. Halloween party next year, anyone? Stay tuned! Jordan

New Nephew has Arrived!

Our new nephew was born just a little while ago!!!!!

Hopefully, we will have a picture and details soon.

-Carmen

Holden Speak ... the part I left out

I left this off of the Holden Speak post the other day (out of embarrassment) but after relaying the entire story to my husband and mom, I realized how funny it really is....

As mentioned, at the grocery store Holden randomly pointed to my stomach and asked, "who's that?"  

I responded, "Cooper, your brother."  

"Oh, baby Pooper?"  

"Yes, baby Cooper."  

"Oh."

The part I left off was that after he pointed to my tummy, Holden also pointed to one of my boobs and asked, "who's that?"

"uhhhh, NOBODY!!!"

"Oh."

Afraid of where this was going I started looking for something on the shelf to distract him, and he pointed to the OTHER one and asked, "who's that?"

Good grief.  I'm a whale!

-Carmen

Thank You for Wearing PINK!

Holden Speak...

Holden shows signs of being that kid that steals your toaster only to dismantle it in the backyard .... to see what is on the inside that makes it work ... hmmmm, sounds a lot like his father.

H was watching one of his favorite kid shows and when it ended, decided he could figure out how to start it over or find another one. Holden's attempts to find the right button resulted in a blank blue screen.

This translated to Holden as "it's not working." He proceeded to pull the box off the shelf trying to get to the back where the hook ups are located. After several minutes of trying, Holden begrudgingly admitted defeat.

H stood at Jordan's side, hands behind his back mumbling, "um, meum ma shumessga. Essten bur balag guh." Which loosely translates to, "um, I was watching this show and it just stopped," hands now up in the air, shoulders shrugged. "I didn't do it, I swear." Now tugging at daddy's hand and pointing to the doorway, "can you come take a look at it?"

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Yesterday, at the grocery store Holden randomly pointed to my stomach and asked, "who's that?"  

I responded, "Cooper, your brother."  

"Oh, baby Pooper?"  

"Yes, baby Cooper."  

"Oh."

-Carmen

Knitty Gritty

I love knitting and have made it a personal mission to find the perfect stocking pattern or to create my own.  

So far, I'm still not 100% happy.  Maybe the next one will be right.

I just recently completed this one for Holden.

I like to line my stockings so they can take a beating from the likes of little boys.  Thank you SD for letting me borrow your sewing machine!

-Carmen

Anatomy of Elmo

Holden has several variations of Elmo dolls that he likes playing with.  This morning he was cuddling with the larger plush version and talking to him in baby babble.

Holden became very quiet and looked and me and plainly asked, "where's Elmo's tongue?"

I never thought about it before.  "He doesn't have one," I replied.

To which Holden tried prying the fuzzy red doll's mouth open further for a better look.  

"No tongue."  He stated.  Satisfied.

-Carmen

Work It!

This is one of those times I really really really wish I had my video camera.  

And ONE, and TWO, and THREE, and FOUR......  Work it, Ladies!

On the Coop Front

We had an appointment with the OB, today.

Good visit.  Cooper is in place for delivering and he is weighing in at 7.5 lbs!  

I've got 4 weeks to go???  UGH!!!

I'm not showing any significant signs that Cooper will be here anytime soon.

Time to start pacing the aisles of Target to try and speed it up!

-Carmen

So Happy to be Happy

A few nights ago, after Holden and I played for a couple of hours we took a brief pause to change his diaper.

Still dancing and wiggling on the changing table, Holden looked at me and said, "I'm so happy."

Not sure he really said it, I asked, "are you happy?"

He again said, "I'm so happy."

Mommies like hearing that.

-Carmen

Rowdy's Helper

Holden helped his Rowdy decorate a pumpkin over the weekend with stickers.  As you can see, he was concentrating very hard.

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I made some changes to the size of the pictures and usable space here.  I like the larger pictures MUCH better.  Now they look here in blogland more like they do on my computer.

Revisit the Pumpkin pictures from a few days ago, they are more vibrant and yummy now.

____________________

Holden has now added to his new vocabulary...

"I'm sorry."

Unprompted "Please" and "Thank You"

"ouch" which he whispers.

"Where's paci, momma?"

And a bunch of other new ones over the last week.

-Carmen

Happy 21 Months!

My favorite thing about life with Holden this month is ... well there are two things.

Holden has been making up his own games.  His favorite is to stand on the doormat, back against the front door, count "1, 2, 3 GO!" and run squealing toward you, arms out, and collapse into your lap, giggling hysterically.  

Sometimes he wants you to count for him, and if he isn't ready when you get to "GO!" he becomes frustrated and insists on a "do over."  

He can do this for HOURS!

Holden has also been TALKING like a big boy!  He has always been a talkative baby, but now he actually makes a lot of sense.  He uses 3 word sentences frequently.  

He clearly tells us "I love you" ... though he started telling the square-pant yellow sponge this before us.

Holden asks, "where is bear?" his favorite stuffed animal friend, and at night he will ask us to give him a bath.

-Carmen

So Many Pumpkins!

October through January is hand's down my most favorite time of the year.

I have been indulging on caramel apples, cider, caramel apple cider (notice a trend?), candy corn, slow cooked roast, chicken noodle soup, fuzzy pajama pants, a sweater on occasion and my new FAVORite candle that smells like firewood (it's called Bonfire and has a wood wick so it CrAcKlEs while it burns.)

But our new family tradition to kick off the holiday season (started last year) is taking Holden for pumpkin pics.

We had so much fun watching Holden run around touching, throwing and climbing every pumpkin in sight.

Feast your eyes... on these eyes.

Where's Holden??? .... click on picture to cheat (click even if you found him.)

This one cracks me up!

It was a good day with my two most favorite guys....

Here is a picture of me with my babies.  A dad at the pumpkin patch told his kids I was stealing a pumpkin under my shirt.   

And here's one for Cooper...

-Carmen

Baby Ben

We met up with some friends at the arboretum over the weekend.

Meet Holden's buddy, Ben with daddy .......

Isn't Ben's mommy GORGEOUS!

Ben was happy the entire day with this one exception.... I cannot resist.

-Carmen

My Shadow

This morning ... like many mornings during the last 35 weeks ... I made a mad dash to the restroom to make an offering to the porcelain gods.

Holden followed and stood behind me babbling.  

He reached out to pat me on the back and asked, "Momma, ok?"  

He's not even 2, yet?  How does he know?  He came around to the side and began mimicking mommy at her finest.  

It was hilarious and weird at the same time.

-Carmen  

Smile for the Day

I could not resist this........

Charming bundle of gushy lovin.....

Art by GDW

Performed by TBS

(Turn up volume, click on image and smile)

-Carmen

Cooper Napping

We had a 4D ultrasound yesterday to get a look at Cooper in action.  

He napped, face buried for about 10 minutes ... even after mommy had a hot dog and DP.  So, we took a break and I consumed a Twix and half a can of another DP (which all came back up an hour later ... what a waste!) to get him moving.

Cooper decided to roll over and even opened his eyes a little (that was super CREEPY by the way.)

He looks EXACTLY like Holden when H was born.  Which means he looks like Jordan.

Jordan even joked that he's not sure either boy is mine!

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I have had such weird mixed feelings about how another baby fits in.  I couldn't wrap my brain around how we could possibly make a baby any different than the one we have.  

Who is this belly invader that keeps kicking me, anyway?

I am so GLAD we had the ultrasound.  It made all the difference in the world for me to see his sweet chubby cheeks and chubby arms.  Cooper felt familiar yet unique.  

When we saw his face clearly, it was like seeing him for the 100th time, and like the first ...  all at the same time.

He is perfect and special and I am a lucky mommy.

Only 6 weeks to go!

-Carmen

  

Happy 20 Months!

(Yea!  Mommy caught up!)

My favorite thing about life with Holden this month is how stubborn he is!  Yeah, I said it.  

It cracks me up when he refuses "cereal" because he prefers "fish" (Goldfish.)  

I get a kick out of chasing him through the kitchen at bathtime and love it when he would prefer to walk than for me to carry him.

I don't let him know how cute I think it is though.  After all, breaking the rules is wrong ... no matter how adorable he is.

-Carmen

Happy 19 Months!

My favorite thing about life with Holden in month 19 is that he is learning so much so quickly. He knows what the color "blue" is and he knows the difference in a used napkin and a clean one, and to put the dirty on in the trash can.

Holden shows a tremendous amount of curiosity about my growing belly and likes to "pet" it.

-Carmen

32 Week Report

We had our 32 week appointment with the OB, today. Nothing especially exciting. Cooper's heart rate is very strong and he is measuring just the right size. I got my flu shot and chatted with the best baby doctor on the planet. We discussed inducing just so I can deliver on her schedule .... yes, she is that good that I would predetermine my son's birthday around her availability.

When I stepped on the scale, my eyeballs almost fell out of my head. I had taken off my shoes and sweater and set my purse off to the side before getting on the platform, but then started searching my pockets for anything else I could strip myself of.

A fellow mother-to-be waiting her turn for the same torture saw my panic and asked me, "why did you even look?"

Morbid curiosity, I guess?????

Jordan and I will visit with the doctor two more times over the next four weeks, then the weekly appointments and countdown begin.

____________________

Holden started referring to his baby brother as "Baby Pooper" this evening. His keen sense of humor astounds me .... or inability to put a "C" with "oo." Whichever, it is pretty funny.

-Carmen

Cares Enough to Wear Pink

Click on flyer to enlarge....



Click on boots for more info....



-Carmen

I Heart Stogs

I'm overhauling the blog to make room for Cooper.

Please be advised, this blog will have the same address, but a new name.......

I Heart Stogs

I haven't changed the name yet, just a head's up.

-Carmen

So who's this Braxton Fella, Anyway?

The BH Contractions have begun!  Cooper is gearing up for his birth day.

If you ask Holden, "where's the baby?"  He will gladly pull up my shirt and tap on my belly.  Cute, unless you are in public ... then it's just a little embarrassing.

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I forgot just how much fun living in an apartment is.  I told Jordan when we moved to our first house together (after I had lived in several dorm rooms and apartments over a span of several years) that I was so "glad I would NEVER have to live in another apartment!"  One glass of water to chase those words, please.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have a place to sleep and hang out in my PJs on Sunday morning (and Saturday morning ... I'm wearing my FAVORITE velour sweat pants in light pink, a NEON green baggy t-shirt that has seen better days, and a gray granny sweater ... oh and these mauve slippers I can't live without.)  I did however forget how loud it is, and how many smells ... that aren't yours ... float through the air.

I think the best part is finding remnants of past tenants.  Well, Holden finds them for me.

He found a Gobstopper in a closet.  Thankfully, he brought it to me instead of putting it in his mouth.

That hasn't always been the case however..........

A couple of weeks ago, I was in Holden's room putting away laundry (Oh, and the Laundr - O - Mat, is devine ... blech!)  Holden was playing in the living room.  It was a little too quiet so I went to check on him.  

He was hunched over, gargoyle-style in the corner of the room ... very quiet and still.  I snuck around his side and noticed he was holding something to his mouth.  He was SUCKING on it .... it was orange.  I swooped in to take whatever he had.  

It was a dirt and hair covered Cheetoh!!!!  When Holden saw me coming he grinned a cheesy orange grin and said, "MMMMMM!!!!"

"Where did you get this?!?" I repeated over and over on my hands and knees searching for more of them.

I texted Jordan, "Please tell me you have been eating Cheetohs in the apartment!"  

He hadn't.

I finally found the crumb and goo graveyard under the fridge.

SOOOOOOO GROSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

-Carmen

A Day in the Life of a Pregnant Lady

It's late, I'm tired and we stop at a drug store on the way home.  I have a bad headache that needs attention and Jordan needs some cookies 'n cream.

I go in, Jordan waits in the car with Holden.

Two registers are open with three people in line at each in front of me.

I'm waiting with my head meds and pint of ice cream when the guy checking at the register on the left loudly asks, "ma'am, are you ok?"  

He appears to be looking at me.  Stunned, I glance over each shoulder to see who he is addressing ... yep, he's talking to me.

"I'm fine."  Which came out in a stutter.

"You look like you are about to cry."

Thanks for that, buddy.  EVERYONE turns to see the pregnant lady about to cry clutching a box of pain reliever and a pint of Blue Bell.

"No, really I'm fine.  Just tired and feeling kind of big, today." Please stop staring at me.

The woman checking at the register on the right pipes in, "Yeah, sweetie.  You don't look so good.  You're flush."

YA THINK!  Maybe I'm flush because strangers are looking me over and diagnosing my emotional state.

"Seriously, I'm just tired."

"Well, she probably just needs to get home and eat that ice cream," the lovely lady at the register replies.  I suddenly notice she is missing a tooth in the front and can't stop staring at it ... or lack of it.

"Why don't you come on up here so we can get you out of here," she adds.

The sea of strangers parts for the pitiful woman with the enormous belly.  I shuffle to the front of the line with meds and ice cream against my chest ... in slow motion and I swear the music blasting over the PA stops so that I can hear my feet dragging on the tile.

The toothless hag tries to make conversation about how she is going home in an hour, should go to bed, but will stay online chatting all night.

"Well, you enjoy that ice cream, Honey."  She grins.

It's not even my ice cream!!!!!!

I'm almost home free.

The guy checking on the left yells to me as I approach the door, "bye!  Have a good night, I hope you feel better!"  And several well-wishers in line add similar comments as I sprint out the door.

-Carmen  

The Haps

Here's the abridged version......

We have a baby BOY due in 2 months, that we have decided to call Cooper.  

Holden, Jordan and I moved into an apartment about a month ago.

We are about 3 months behind where we would like to be on building the house. 

NOTE - if you decide to build a house, have a VERY good idea of what you want and nail down your budget and square footage before you move to the architect phase.  We did all of the above and STILL can't get a floorplan completed.

Hopefully, we will close on the land soon and break ground in the next couple of months .... just in time for the rainy season, and new baby ... YEA!

I think the best news right now is that we are sleeping in our comfy cozy king size bed again.  It is my most favorite place in the whole world.  It is so squishy and big and the mattress has a perfect indention of "me" curled up in the fetal position ... my little nest.

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I could lie for the sake of smiling and exuding positivity, but I'm not going to.... Yes, there are much worse things that a person could be going through, but right now ... for us ... this IS a lot.

We are incredibly tired and frustrated and don't feel that we are moving forward at this point.  I know it is coming ... I remind myself constantly that a year from now, it will all be ok.  But some days are really hard.  New job, new pregnancy, house sold, no house, waiting .... waiting ... waiting ... guilt ... guilt ... guilt.

I feel guilty that we took Holden's room, his home, his whole world away from him.  I feel even more guilty that Cooper will come home to a Pack and Play for a nursery.  I feel guilty that I don't practice the ABCs enough with Holden and that I'm too tired at the end of the day, now 31 weeks pregnant to play blocks in the floor with him.  I feel guilty that we still have personal belongings stashed away at my parents because our storage building is crammed full.  I feel guilty that I'm receiving donated time at work so that I can take off for recovery and get to know Cooper when he arrives.  I feel guilty that Jordan stresses about the new house.  I feel guilty that I don't see my mom, dad, sister and her family more.

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I'm going to go watch something funny, if I can find anything and curl up in my comfy cozy bed for the night.  I miss DirecTV.

-Carmen

Happy 18 Months!

Well, actually Holden is 20 months old now, but we are going to get caught up anyway.

My favorite thing about month 18 with Holden is how he flexes his imagination.  Everything he picks up is a spoon, a bowl and a delicious pretend meal.  He scoops imaginary peas to his mouth with a little plastic farm set pitch fork and politely squeals "UMMMMMM!"  

The boy likes to eat.

-Carmen

Existence is Futile

A good friend reminded me what a dud I've been about posting lately.

Thank you for the nudge KD.

So here is a picture of my sweet little angel boy, now 20 months.....

I'll try to get caught up soon.

-Carmen