Mama Mimi

Holden made his first visit to Mimi and Pawpaw 2’s (my grandpa is called Pawpaw and now my dad is also called Pawpaw, confusing???) for Easter.


It was a great trip. Holden slept 10 hours both nights! He rarely does that at home. I think he was exhausted from playing.

The Easter Bunny brought him a basket with eggs, a book, bunny, bubbles, and froggy blankie.

We are now home and both tired. Sleepy time…. ZZZZZZ

-Carmen

Rabbit Feet & Family Ritual

Holden had his first Easter Bunny mall photograph taken today. A new holiday tradition!

I changed my first poopy diaper on-the-go. Then my husband and I couldn’t find a trashcan and decided to dump the deed at the next stop … we forgot … so when we returned to our car at the end of the day, the car smelled quite lovely.

Holden was happy until we
arrived at the mall. We stopped at a sitting area to feed him, and then it was sweat and tears until we left. Literally, he was sweating. The bunny’s lair was in one of the courtyards under the skylights and it was HOT! Holden was fussing, tired, and damp. I felt especially sorry for that bunny.

The photo shown took 9 tries. Holden just wasn’t having it. He was trying to squirm away and had a scrunched up face in 8 of the shots. They had to crop out one of the photo staff’s hands, poised to catch Holden if he successfully escaped.










Aaahhhh….. but momma was thinking ahead! While he was happy this morning, I took some pictures of him in his cute little Easter jumpsuit, a lovely baby gift from Mr. Stogsdill’s cousin A, who also gave us the blanket shown, embroidered with Holden's birth stats. So cute!!!


























After quality time at the mall, we hopped over to IKEA “just to look.” I hate leaving there empty-handed. After walking and walking and walking and finally making it to the finish line, I feel like I should give them my money….

But we found something even better than Swedish melamine. We ran into my beautiful aunt N and uncle J! I love them so much. We chatted outside for a while before heading back home … well we had to find a trashcan and dump the dooooo first.

-Carmen

The 2nd Worst Day of My Life

Holden spent the day with Mrs. B. It was our dry run in preparation for my return to work.

Those unsympathetic to new mom woes should cease reading immediately. It’s about to get all kinds of melodramatic up in here….


I was one of them. I never understood what the big deal was. Take baby from point A and place him in point B. Walk out the door.

A thousand paper cuts on my eyeballs followed by a stern dousing of salt and lemon juice would have been less painful than this process actually was.


This morning on the way to Mrs. B's house, I looked in the baby rear view mirror to check on my angel. He was looking outside, then at me in the mirror, and then outside again, wide-mouthed, laughing, and gurgling as if to say, “what adventures are we going to have, today, mom?”

I lost it … all of it. I started bawling. “Well son, I am dropping you off in unfamiliar surroundings so I can spend some quality time with myself.”

I said regrettable things to my husband when he called shortly after… and then again when he called back … and again later ... and perhaps a few more times after that.

A few miles from Mrs. B’s house, I looked at myself in the mirror, and said, “self, you better get it together FAST! For the love of Elvis, fake it!” And I did.

Mrs. B is so warm and I started to feel better as soon as we walked in … and then I left …. an hour later (yes, it took me an hour to leave.)

I didn’t know what to do with myself. My mind was racing. My eyes were pouring. I couldn’t utter a word. He is only 2 and a half months old! How could I leave him? I have been at Holden’s devoted beckoned call and suddenly I found myself alone … completely alone. I didn’t like it.

I contemplated spending the day sitting at the Sonic by Mrs. B’s house, but decided that seemed a little too cuckoo.

I thought maybe I could go home …. but I knew I would just sit in Holden’s room and cry.

So, I drove to Dillards with the intention of buying myself something I want, but don’t need.

I never went in. I sat in my car in the parking lot, and between supportive text messages and phone calls from friends and my mom I cried for almost two hours.

I have great friends. They really are the bestest! They dropped what they were doing to meet me for lunch and supply me with some much needed hugs and assurance.

When I returned to Mrs. B’s to retrieve my offspring, I walked in and said, “Hi, Punkin’.” He shrugged his tiny shoulders up to his ears, smiled a huge gummy smile, and turned to look at me. I sure needed that….. I melted.

I could go on and on about the traumas of the day (obviously,) but I am spent and want to hold my boy.


Every morning when Holden and I get up, I think about how today is his first Thursday … today is the first day he will see his cousin, Sawyer …. today is the first time he will stay with Nana while I go on a date with my husband …. today is his first February 10th … today was the first day he spent the whole day away from me.

Today … was the second worst day of my life. The worst will be the day I return to work…

-Carmen

Bunny Ears

One more bunny pic.....





















-Carmen

Happy Easter

I couldn't wait until the weekend to post this pic. Holden looks so creamy soft. I just want to squish him! He also sat up with minimal help for this photo. Holden is so close to holding his head up ... gotta love that baby neck!

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. There is a lot on my mind and I needed a little break from (of all things) saying what is on my mind.

Pawpaw did have a stroke. He has been moved to the same rehabilitation facility as Nanners so they can see each other. He should be able to go home in a couple of weeks.

Mom and my uncle have started going through their things at the house … "getting things in order."

On the sunnier side …. Holden is getting so big! We have so much fun together. He giggles, gurgles, makes spit bubbles, and smiles whenever he is awake and content. He is soaking it all up. You can see him thinking really hard when you present him with a new object or view.

We have started teaching Holden baby sign language. We are starting with “milk” and “bath” since these seem to be his two favorite things. Also, the delay in providing either of these things elicits significant emotional outbursts. Hopefully if he knows “it’s coming” he will chill out a little. Personally, I think he is getting it. This opinion has been met with some eye rolling from the naysayers. Before long, Holden and I can “talk” about them in public and they won’t know what we are saying. We’ll just laugh and laugh while our fingers do the talking.

Holden and I went shopping a few days ago. I found these cute cups, bowls, and plates at Target. There is also a ladybug, but they didn’t have the bowl so I’ll have to check another store.

Tomorrow is our trial run with our childcare provider. Holden will be fine. This is for my benefit. I’ll let you know how I do.

-Carmen

Give & Take

My very cool friend Julie made this very cool hat for Holden. Normally he hates for me to put a hat on his head, but he didn’t fight or bat an eye when I put Julie’s hat on him. In fact, he fell asleep!

Holden had his 2 month
doctor appointment yesterday. He is now 24” long and weighs 12.3 pounds. Everything checked out ok.

--------------------

… as some of you know, my mom’s mom has been slowly and painfully succumbing to age and a multitude of health conditions for at least thirteen years. Grandma, (I call her either Nana or Nanners) has been in some form of medical facility for over a year. She is usually non-responsive ..… it’s really just a very sad situation that’s hard to talk about. This has all been very heavy for my mom, uncle, and Pawpaw. Unfortunately, mom’s dad (Pawpaw) has also experienced more than his fair share of decline, now exacerbated by the emotional, mental, and physical wear and tear of his wife’s struggles.

I received the following email (posted with permission) from my mom last night, she couldn’t talk on the phone due to a cough/cold/allergy thing she has been combating for months…..


It was not a good day today. Sara was supposed to have called you for me. My voice is next to nothing.
10 a.m. talked to Pawpaw. Didn't feel well. Still with cold. Waiting one more day to go to DR. Hung up with him. He is going to go make his morning oatmeal.
2 p.m. called Pawpaw. no answer. give him a few more mins. no answer. Go to house. Ring doorbell long and loud and let myself in.
he has gotten up, headed my way. I smell burnt something and ask if he smells it. "no" he says. I go to stove. Burnt oatmeal in pan with burner still on (low, thank goodness) Try to call his attention to it. only wants to talk about having trouble with the micro. second attempt fails, back to microwave. Door on micro was also open along with cabinets, and lights were on that he would never leave on when not in the room.
I am feeling very panicky. Mini stroke I am thinking. Call Dale, "I need you" Try to explain situation. Dale is coming. Start trying to call Pawpaw's clinic. No answer. Call the one in D. After a few attempts I get through to a person. They talk to DR's nurse. They say take him to ER.
This is a real trick. Not understanding why I want him to go with me. I tell him that they are waiting on us at the DRS He doesn't walk well. I thank God for keeping him on his feet. He goes to bathroom. In there too long. I go knock rather loudly. He answers. WHEWWWW!!!! Didn't want to have to go in. He comes out. 1st attempt to put on bathrobe fails, 2nd attempt fails, 3rd fails. ok, that is done. Now the walk to the car. I am sooo tired.
After the normal ER admissions, wait, Dr evaluation, tests etc. 6 p.m. enlarged heart, a kidney issue and high blood sugar, fever of 100.9 and blood pressure is high. They took a chest xray to check his lungs and found the heart issue. That has apparently been the reason he has been so sluggish. He always said it was the diabetes. Don't know how long they intend to keep him. Will let you know. Thank you for praying. Love, Mom

I just got off the phone with mom. Pawpaw’s condition has not improved. His doctor plans to keep him for a few days. Pawpaw isn’t getting it. He keeps saying he is going home tomorrow.

Holden came from good people. My grandparents are the kindest of the kind. It makes me sad that he may never get to meet them.

-Carmen

Mirror, Mirror on the Dressing Room Wall...

... why can't you make my backside look small?


The good news: I have some new clothes for work and they fit.

The bad news: Someone had to make them out of more fabric ... a lot more fabric ... than I would like....

I know you imagine me sitting here typing this stuff glammed out in a slinky party dress, covered in bling from ear to wrist, sipping on a martini at a swanky cyber cafe (that's how I picture me) .... I pretty much wear sweats (sometimes 2 days in a row), my husband's t-shirt, and a hair scrunchie while quietly pecking away at the keys in our dark man cave praying my subtle movements don't stir the munchkin from the possible onset of a nap.

My hubby has come home from work on multiple occasions and asked, "Is that milk on your shirt/sweats?" I reply, "Why yes. It does appear to be milk," as I scratch my nail across the spot and give it a quick sniff. "I think it has been there since yesterday. And that sour milk spit-up smell ... that would be me, too .... also from yesterday. Let's make out!"

So, and here is the point of this little ditty ... accustomed to the sweats, I would have likely got up the morning I go back to work assuming that "by now" my normal low-waist work-casual slacks fit … only to have a melt-down of mass proportions in the closet floor. And if my bottom could speak ... English ... it would fervently cry "WHY? Why DKNY, Bisou, and Liz and co.? Why have you forsaken me?"

-Carmen

Happy 2 Months!

Holden is 2 months old today. Mommy celebrated with a bowl of ice cream. Yum! Holden celebrated by hanging out is in his birthday suit (plus diaper.)

My favorite thing this month is that Holden smiles soooo much. He looks like he is laughing, but someone turned the volume off. He isn't laughing yet, but he does talk a lot.

Holden also has developed an early flair for the dramatic (I don’t have a clue where he got that from) and follows many sneezing fits with a very loud over-the-top sigh, just to make sure everyone knows just how taxing it was on him. Achoo, Achoo, Achoo, UHGUHHH!















Holden watched his first 30 minute cartoon yesterday. That Baby Einstein stuff isn’t for me, but babies love it. Well, maybe it is for me. I found myself in a relaxed trance as brightly colored members of the animal kingdom floated across the screen.

Tomorrow we are going to get out for a while and see Nana and Rowdy. I also have to suck it up and buy some pants for work. I know it is all part of the miracle of life, blah, blah, blah, but I am really not thrilled about buying bigger pants, and I refuse to go back to work in maternity clothes. Most of me has returned to it’s original mass and location, but my hips are not where they use to be.

You have probably noticed the slideshow feature I added to the top right hand corner. I will add a picture each month so you can watch him mighty-morph.

-Carmen

Baby Blue

He is pretty. That's right ... I said it. He is a boy and he is mine (I am admitting bias) but look at him. ... pretty.















-Carmen

That’s Just Wrong

Ok not to spoil it for anyone, but in spite of my genuine efforts, my mothering skills are not always seamless (insert gasps of disbelief here.)

DISCLAIMER: The following is intended to be read with a sense of humor (got that, all you grandmas out there?)

FAUX PAS #1
Holden has a dense foam incline sleep positioner that elevates his head above his chest. During the first month of life, he slept on the positioner placed in his Moses basket so he had four snug walls around him.

We stopped using both the positioner and the basket when his daddy found him with his feet propped up on the edge. He is now too long to fit in the Moses basket.

After he ate the night before last, Holden did not expel his usual triumphant belch. To help prevent spit up, I placed his swaddled bod on the inclined sleeper without the basket.

Somehow he turned himself sideways on the positioner and just like a ball on a ramp, he rolled down the incline and came to rest against the bumper pad! When I found him, my stomach knotted up and I apologized profusely as I removed him from the predicament. He just cooed, unaware of mommy’s horror.

FAUX PAS #2
During a recent diaper change, I found a strand of my hair in Holden’s poo. He had grabbed a handful the day before. Apparently I failed to extract all of it from his death grip.

FAUX PAS #3
Admit it … while handing out congratulations we all silently “analyze” the cuteness of newborns. They are too chubby, too skinny, too hairy, too bald, too stinky. Well, I always make note of baby acne. I have known all along that I was setting the stage for my own offspring to emerge with clogged pores, but EEEWWW! That stuff is weird.

Right on schedule, karma evened the score. Holden had a decent case of “T-zone” blemishes upon arrival. I chuckled to myself and thanked karma for keeping me in check.

There was this one little monkey right between his eyes that bugged me for a week. So I looked over my left shoulder … then my right to make sure no one was looking and scratched that thing off with my fingernail. Ahhhh, victory! Take that, cosmic harmony!

Then it started bleeding … and bleeding. First Aid 101 … I applied pressure. I felt so bad. Holden was oblivious to what was going on and I was on the verge of tears. The bleeding eventually stopped. No one would ever know.

Later that night my husband asked, “Did you pick that zit?”

John Deere & Buttercream

We survived our first off-campus sleepover with Holden!

Holden had more luggage than mom and dad combined. I spent an unsuccessful hour packing, unpacking, and repacking. All the while I asked myself, “how can someone that wears size 0 – 3 month onesies need so much luggage for one night?” Alas, he still needed 3 bags. No longer interested in organized travel, I stuffed my necessities including clothes into 2 Walmart bags.

Holden barely made a sound

during the drive. My husband and I actually had multiple conversations that had beginnings, middles, and ends. Though they were all about what? The baby, of course!

Sawyer’s John Deere birthday party was great. He spent the afternoon at a friend’s house napping while we decorated. Sawyer was so excited when he walked in to see all the smiling faces, green and yellow balloons, and the pile of presents.

Standard birthday merrymaking commenced as Sawyer and his friends played a game (something my sister made up with a dancing chicken, plastic eggs, and quarters,) decorated pink piggy cupcakes, and pinned the tail on the burro. My sister baked a very yummy birthday cake that we decorated together with homemade buttercream frosting. I offered to "clean" the spatula, mixing bowl, and beater. I followed up the “cleaning” with a milk chaser.

The party wrapped up with lasagna, salad, and sleepy conversation while everyone held Holden one last time. We hugged, kissed, waved goodbye, and began our trek home. Our little man slept all the way, then had a midnight milk snack, and fell back to sleep.

Next year we will be packing Holden’s size 12 – 18 month onesies…. sniff sniff.

-Carmen

A Tale of 2 Kitties

Our black long-haired cat Olive seems very uninterested in Holden. She does however think his toys, swing, play mat, and stroller are her toys. Our other cat, Onion (a tabby) pays some attention to Holden’s things, but she is much more interested in Holden himself.

Onion has always been attached to me, but while I was pregnant she took “clingy” to a whole new level. She often hopped into my lap with engine purring loudly, and marched on my stomach like she was kneading bread. When she wasn’t giving “Holden the fetus” a deep tissue massage, she was staring at my stomach watching him kick and reacting to every pulse.

A crying newborn on TV once sent Onion through the roof. She paced around the screen and behind the TV looking for the source of the cries. Jordan jokingly wondered if she was in “protective mode” or “smother mode.”

Onion is now frequently found outside Holden’s room or on the floor near his mat during playtime … perched like a gargoyle warding off evil.

And yes, I am one of those sick people that takes pictures of her cats .... in sweaters.


Sawyer’s birthday party is Saturday. Check back Monday for the recap.

-Carmen

Swaddle Me This, Batman

I forgot to put this picture on last night, or rather I was so tired I fell asleep zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Let’s talk swaddling. Swaddling does not receive the applause it deserves. At first I felt extremely uncomfortable binding my newborn’s arms to his torso, but now I think we should take it a step further and make little baby straitjackets…. straps and buckles, you know what I’m talking about.

Holden does not like the swaddling process. He grunts, groans, wiggles, and fights the entire time. Then as though someone flipped a switch…. quiet, serenity, and calm. His rigid torso and limbs give into the snuggly peace.

This was not always the case. Our stellar swaddling resulted from multiple internet searches, streaming video, a baby class, a DVD, and a LOT of practice. Early attempts were just sad. Eventually we would stand back post-swaddle with folded arms, grin, nod, and admire the “bundle with a baby head” only to observe a finger escape, followed by a hand … followed by an arm. Now my husband and I swaddle with confidence and grace. I think we may start timing each other like rodeo calf roping. I’d win.

-Carmen

Soup or Salad?

We met with mom, dad, my sister and her husband, and Sawyer for a belated birthday lunch. It was a whirlwind day. I think the good folks at Red Lobster were ready to see us go. Toting a baby, a toddler, and all the gear that comes with them, we looked like sherpas prepared to camp out in front of the lobster tank for the week. Sawyer, bless his heart, was sleepy and has inherited the unfortunate family trait of taking just as long to wake up as he slept.

Holden slept ALL day. He will be up ALL night…. sigh.

I’m pooped. That’s all I’ve got. I feel Sawyer’s pain…..


fading ...












fading ...













faded.












-Carmen

My Funny Valentine

Holden would like to wish everyone a very special Valentine Day.

Jordan and I went out to eat for his birthday last night then saw the movie Juno while Holden had a date with his Nana and Rowdy. Dinner and movie were both great, though I drifted off into dreamland during the previews. You know that weird place your mind goes as you fall asleep where reality is mixed in? I could hear an older lady whispering to her friend nearby and I drifted. For a brief moment I was dreaming about chocolate cake. The whispering woman giggled which jarred me awake to find Jordan staring at me. He said I was snoring. I don’t snore.

The night before last, Jordan was working so it was just me and the baby. Bedtime sent the “cuteness meter” through the roof. The last bottle of the day usually propels Holden into a drowsy place, but he was staring at me wide-eyed through the entire feeding. We commenced with the usual burping, swaddling, and story time all the while Holden is staring at me. We have been working toward Holden falling asleep in his crib instead of our arms, but I usually wait until he is relaxed to place him in the bed. Since I was going to be up with him apparently anyway, I put him in the crib, eyes wide open just to see what would happen. I hovered over the crib as he looked around in the dim glow of his moon nightlight. Then I slowly backed away on tip toes. Holden said “guhhhh,” followed by “guhhh?” as though he was carrying on a conversation with himself. I stood in the hallway for a minute listening to his baby ramblings prepared to swoop in and scoop him up the second he started wailing … which was certain to happen any minute now, right? But there was no wailing, just “guhh.” So I inched farther and farther away toward my own room. I laid in bed for the next 30 minutes or so listening to the baby monitor as my son talked to himself until he fell asleep and he stayed asleep until morning.

Happy Birthday, Daddies!

I’d like to send a special birthday shout out to my husband and father.

My husband is working today so Holden and I will go see him this evening and have birthday cake. I think hubby and I will go out tomorrow night while Holden stays with Rowdy and Nana.

I won’t get to see my dad for a couple of weeks. I guess we will reunite at my nephew’s (Sawyer) birthday party.

Sawyer’s birthday party theme is John Deere. I searched high and low for weeks for a pair of newborn overalls for Holden. They are not easy to find in his size! We finally found the perfect denim overalls – Holden-size and a John Deere green stripe onesie.

I went to my friend Lindsay's birthday dinner last night. It was nice to see my girlfriends. Lindsay looked gorgeous as usual. I think they may try to come over Friday to visit while my husband is working.

On the baby front … Holden is sleeping through the night! He sleeps 7 – 9 hours at night. Hallelujah! The little guy stays awake most of the day… fighting napping urges. Then at night we have our bedtime routine, I put him in the crib to fall asleep, and then we don’t hear a peep from him all night. Mommy on the other hand is not sleeping well yet. I still wake up every half hour to make sure he is breathing. Just a hunch, but by the sounds of my husband’s “breathing” … sleep is coming easy to him, too.

-Carmen

Look What I Can Do!

We have had not one, not two, but three feats of baby genius this morning. Post-breakfast, I put Holden back in his crib so I could eat my own breakfast and turned on the mobile overhead. He stared at it wide-eyed and wide-mouthed while the rest of his body stayed still. I went back to check on him just in time for the mobile to stop. He started kicking his stumpy legs and his face had this look of disappointment and shock that the fun had ended. He barked like a puppy. I turned the mobile back on and he was pleased. When the mobile stopped the second time he again barked to indicate that he was not prepared for the end.

Holden’s left hand met his right hand for the first time, today. He was thoughtfully holding his own hand. It was so cute! Then just when I thought our adventures for the day were through, he stuck out his right thumb and put it in his mouth instead of the back of his hand or his sleeve.

Genius, I tell you!

-Carmen

Happy 1 Month!

Holden is 1 month old today. I feel like he has always been a part of me, and then at the same time feel like he just got here. He had baggy newborn clothes that I thought would never ever fit him …. never. This morning I wiped the tears from my cheeks as I shoved tiny little boots onto his feet that he will likely never be able wear, again.

Being a mom changes you for sure. Being the protector of this dependant life pushes aside selfishness, fear, and tolerance for foolishness. I have missed feeding myself without noticing because I am feeding Holden, I have squashed a wasp with my bare hand because I didn’t want it coming near my baby (I am terrified of flying things with stingers), and I refuse to buy into the gloom and doom reports on the news.

Life is good, beautiful, amazing….

-Carmen

That Came Out of Someone That Small?

Early this morning my husband slipped out of our room to tend to Holden. I woke a couple of hours later to Holden’s wails echoing through the house. I got up to see if daddy and baby were ok and stopped only briefly to examine the sofa slipcover that was waiting in a crumpled lump and accompanied by a spray bottle of Shout stain lifter.

I found dad and Holden in the nursery. Holden was on the changing table screeching and my husband was changing a very …. very poopy diaper. Dad was gnashing his teeth and shot me a sideways glance, a glance I am becoming increasingly familiar with. He recalled the gory events of the morning that included non-stop crying, projectile spit up (that explains the slipcover), and multiple poopy diapers. He also pointed to a pile that consisted of swaddle blankets, the pants and onesie Holden was wearing when we put him to bed, and a half a dozen burp cloths. “Those all have puke on them,” he said.

I don’t know who I felt sorrier for. One of my boys was crying incessantly and the other was on the verge.

Everyone recovered and we have gone on to have a great day. The fate of the slipcover is still undecided.

The photo is of my two angels napping, yesterday.

-Carmen

National Treasure, take two

Holden stayed with Nana and Rowdy last night while hubby and I had our first date night as a married couple with offspring. Since my water broke ten minutes into the National Treasure sequel when Holden was born, we thought it prudent to finish the film. The movie was good, and I only thought about my baby 293 or so times and only felt guilty 137 times. We also had dinner and desert before picking up Holden from Nana. We had a great time together and realized how even though we are in the same house and usually the same room all day we really miss each other. Pre-pregnancy, we had a date night once a month and tried to do something we wouldn’t normally do. I think we will reinstate our adventures.

The picture is of hubby and a 7-month pregnant Carmen in Las Vegas.

-Carmen